I'm giving this blog thing a try. I feel like I'm sort of at this crossroads in my life, and I have just decided to take a hard right when, traditionally, I would have continued on straight ahead. So I figured, what better time to start a blog...my friends have been encouraging me to write down my stories forever...so, though this first entry will disappoint them terribly because it is not filled with my usual humor, it is where I feel I must start...
I recently took a trip to visit a "good" friend in California. Someone I had known for 6 years and turns out I didn't really know at all. I had a wonderful, yet expensive, vacation. There were some lessons I learned from this trip that I wanted to put down in writing so I could remember them.
First, it is always good to get away from where you nest. I never used to think about this because I lived so many different places and always had to find a way for myself. However, since coming back to Lexington, I think complacency has crept in and I find myself forgetting about the giant world that is out there away from Kentucky. I think I learned to appreciate other people more, other ways of life more. I think I learned a little bit about wonder and awe...about beauty. I certainly learned to never take for granted cost free parking...EVER.
I also learned that people change. I used to be a super non-confrontational, just let it go kind of person. In the last few months, I think that has changed, and I think that came into its fullness on this trip. It is not that I am less tolerant. In fact, I think I am more tolerant than ever before. However, I think that I am less willing to put up with people's BS. For example: If you haven't called me in months...don't invite me to your birthday party. If you can't make an effort to be my friends during the ordinary moments of your life, don't expect me to be there for the extraordinary ones...which leads me to...
Knowing when to cut the cord. For the last few weeks, I've been cutting cords left and right and getting rid of all the toxic people in my life. I have realized I simply can't fuel your toxicity any longer. If you are angry, go be angry, but I'm not going to argue, fight back, or defend it. If you feel the need to call, text, email or whatever it is you want to do to express your displeasure with my cutting your cord in my life, don't waste your time. Because I'm not going to waste mine. It's not that I don't care. It's actually that I do care. Only I care about surrounding myself, and my life, with people who don't drain me emotionally, physically and mentally. I have this one friend, in Florida, who I feel was separated from me at birth. We go months and months without seeing each other, yet as soon as we see each other, we are able to fill each other in really amazing ways. And what happens when you are able to feed each other, is you develop an incredible friendship that could stand up to any storm, no matter what that storm is, right Jackie?
The next thing I wanted to detox about is the concept of a gift. This has been something I have been talking about since I got back. What is a gift? Webster's has several definitions, with the first being:
something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present
This is what I always thought. I love giving gifts but am terrible at keeping surprises. I can keep a secret to my grave, but I blow surprises like no body I know. One of the things I love about gifts, is doing something really awesome for someone that cheers them up...makes them feel happy for that moment...but what I love about this definition...the thing that I really think defines a gift from anything else, like a barter, a trade, etc, is that it is "given voluntarily without payment in return." Recently, I met some people who didn't understand the meaning of the gift. It was one of the greatest disappointments I have experienced lately. I was told that for the gift I received, I needed to supply a gift of their demand. Not the token of thanks I had already given them, rather a monetary gift. In fact, my lack of providing this "monetary gift" was then criticized. I found this to be absurd...not to mention presumptuous and rude. Never in my life have I been given a "gift" and then demanded to return that "gift." Is this what these desperate times have moved people to, or were you always like this and I never noticed? Thank you for your gift. You are welcome for yours. I am not at all sorry it wasn't the "gift" (demand) that you wanted. However, it was a gift I chose with great thought and care. I wont be forced to give gifts, or made to feel guilty about the gift I give. However, I cannot continue in a relationship where voluntary things are demanded of me. It's why I haven't returned your texts. It's why I haven't returned your calls or acknowledged your messages. It is my gift to you. The gift for you to move on and look for someone else who will meet your demands and lay down and roll over to your ridiculous expectations. I won't be that person any longer.
As I left California, I knew to myself it would likely be a long time before I returned (maybe sooner than I thought depending on this summer job). I found it fitting. In California I left many things. Expensive parking, ridiculous expectations, all my money, the tendency I had to let people manipulate my feelings. I almost missed my flight home. But I made sure to leave that day. I needed to come home. I realized some people will never fully appreciate you, and it isn't your job to make them appreciate you. Either they will or they won't. Second, it can be scary to cut that "cord". The one that has fed you for so long, but, sometimes, the cord stops feeding you and instead, it starts feeding off you. Sometimes you don't even notice that reverse of nutrient exchange. Until eventually you realize, you are starved...mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Instead, cut the cord and feed yourself for a while. Instead, find a friendship where you can feed each other. Which leads me to the end of what I have to say...as much as it is important to get away and be reminded of the giant world there is, it is also equally important to keep your eyes, mind and heart open wherever it is you call your home. I have made two of the most amazing new friends because I finally walked around with my eyes open. I am so blessed by their friendship...
and they didn't even know I used to be a blonde.
aformerblonde.
I recently took a trip to visit a "good" friend in California. Someone I had known for 6 years and turns out I didn't really know at all. I had a wonderful, yet expensive, vacation. There were some lessons I learned from this trip that I wanted to put down in writing so I could remember them.
First, it is always good to get away from where you nest. I never used to think about this because I lived so many different places and always had to find a way for myself. However, since coming back to Lexington, I think complacency has crept in and I find myself forgetting about the giant world that is out there away from Kentucky. I think I learned to appreciate other people more, other ways of life more. I think I learned a little bit about wonder and awe...about beauty. I certainly learned to never take for granted cost free parking...EVER.
I also learned that people change. I used to be a super non-confrontational, just let it go kind of person. In the last few months, I think that has changed, and I think that came into its fullness on this trip. It is not that I am less tolerant. In fact, I think I am more tolerant than ever before. However, I think that I am less willing to put up with people's BS. For example: If you haven't called me in months...don't invite me to your birthday party. If you can't make an effort to be my friends during the ordinary moments of your life, don't expect me to be there for the extraordinary ones...which leads me to...
Knowing when to cut the cord. For the last few weeks, I've been cutting cords left and right and getting rid of all the toxic people in my life. I have realized I simply can't fuel your toxicity any longer. If you are angry, go be angry, but I'm not going to argue, fight back, or defend it. If you feel the need to call, text, email or whatever it is you want to do to express your displeasure with my cutting your cord in my life, don't waste your time. Because I'm not going to waste mine. It's not that I don't care. It's actually that I do care. Only I care about surrounding myself, and my life, with people who don't drain me emotionally, physically and mentally. I have this one friend, in Florida, who I feel was separated from me at birth. We go months and months without seeing each other, yet as soon as we see each other, we are able to fill each other in really amazing ways. And what happens when you are able to feed each other, is you develop an incredible friendship that could stand up to any storm, no matter what that storm is, right Jackie?
The next thing I wanted to detox about is the concept of a gift. This has been something I have been talking about since I got back. What is a gift? Webster's has several definitions, with the first being:
something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present
This is what I always thought. I love giving gifts but am terrible at keeping surprises. I can keep a secret to my grave, but I blow surprises like no body I know. One of the things I love about gifts, is doing something really awesome for someone that cheers them up...makes them feel happy for that moment...but what I love about this definition...the thing that I really think defines a gift from anything else, like a barter, a trade, etc, is that it is "given voluntarily without payment in return." Recently, I met some people who didn't understand the meaning of the gift. It was one of the greatest disappointments I have experienced lately. I was told that for the gift I received, I needed to supply a gift of their demand. Not the token of thanks I had already given them, rather a monetary gift. In fact, my lack of providing this "monetary gift" was then criticized. I found this to be absurd...not to mention presumptuous and rude. Never in my life have I been given a "gift" and then demanded to return that "gift." Is this what these desperate times have moved people to, or were you always like this and I never noticed? Thank you for your gift. You are welcome for yours. I am not at all sorry it wasn't the "gift" (demand) that you wanted. However, it was a gift I chose with great thought and care. I wont be forced to give gifts, or made to feel guilty about the gift I give. However, I cannot continue in a relationship where voluntary things are demanded of me. It's why I haven't returned your texts. It's why I haven't returned your calls or acknowledged your messages. It is my gift to you. The gift for you to move on and look for someone else who will meet your demands and lay down and roll over to your ridiculous expectations. I won't be that person any longer.
As I left California, I knew to myself it would likely be a long time before I returned (maybe sooner than I thought depending on this summer job). I found it fitting. In California I left many things. Expensive parking, ridiculous expectations, all my money, the tendency I had to let people manipulate my feelings. I almost missed my flight home. But I made sure to leave that day. I needed to come home. I realized some people will never fully appreciate you, and it isn't your job to make them appreciate you. Either they will or they won't. Second, it can be scary to cut that "cord". The one that has fed you for so long, but, sometimes, the cord stops feeding you and instead, it starts feeding off you. Sometimes you don't even notice that reverse of nutrient exchange. Until eventually you realize, you are starved...mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Instead, cut the cord and feed yourself for a while. Instead, find a friendship where you can feed each other. Which leads me to the end of what I have to say...as much as it is important to get away and be reminded of the giant world there is, it is also equally important to keep your eyes, mind and heart open wherever it is you call your home. I have made two of the most amazing new friends because I finally walked around with my eyes open. I am so blessed by their friendship...
and they didn't even know I used to be a blonde.
aformerblonde.
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