Today is the first unofficially official day of summer. Schools out, though I still have one more day of PD. So, in honor of summer, i sit on my deck, with Pandora (http://www.pandora.com) blaring on the computer, the pond waterfall trickling in the yard and a clear view of the pool. I would get in the pool, however, I have a feeling my computer would not appreciate the splashing of water. (Are there waterproof laptops?)
This summer, I'm going on an adventure. And I just realized about 5 seconds ago that I'm terrified. I'm heading out to Palo Alto, CA to teach some super smart kids for 6 weeks. It sounds exciting...and I AM excited, but even as I write this, I'm scared. Which leads me to have a therapeutic conversation with myself about my fear:
ME: What are you afraid of?
MYSELF: It's a long way from home, I don't know anyone, the kids are really smart, and the bed might not be comfortable.
ME: You have to be kidding?! You lived in the middle of the ocean for a year. And then you lived on the ocean for 3 more years. Why in the world would you be scared to go to California for 6 weeks? And, get a mattress pad.
MYSELF: Yeah, I know that. I'm not really a homebody, but what if it sucks? And what if my dogs forget about me? And my friends? Is it possible that I'll leave for 6 weeks and when I come back, everything, and everyone will have changed and moved on and I won't have moved on with them?
ME: It's 6 weeks Nicole, get a grip.
MYSELF: Right, its not that long.
ME: Exactly.
MYSELF: Then why am I freaking out?
ME: It's like that book, who moved my cheese, the mouse was really aggravated when his cheese was gone. Maybe there would be no more cheese for him. Maybe he would never find the placement of the new cheese. This are all ridiculous concerns. There is more cheese. And if you keep looking for it and pay attention to where you have looked and not found cheese, you will find the cheese finally.
MYSELF: You lost me with cheese.
ME: I figured I had. Change can be scary, but the things we worry about are usually things that never happen.
MYSELF: I know you are right.
ME: I always am.
MYSELF: Cocky.
I guess the moral of the story is, we can't live without cheese. Wait, no it isn't. The moral is something new can be scary, but should not be feared. Instead, put the fear on the shelf and move forward. When the plane takes me away, it will bring me back. (I mean as long as I didn't accidentally plan a one-way trip, but I'm not talking about that in this case, so we won't really discuss the logistics of that.) I leave on June 25th, the plane will bring me back August 8th. Of that I can be certain. The six weeks in between are up to me to fill with all the experiences I can wrap my arms around.
As I take a sniff of the mulch my mom just spread around my trees, I am thankful that it doesn't smell like manure, and I'm thankful that I have a place to come back to you at the end of the 6 weeks So I take a deep breath and settle my soul, and my nerves. God has brought me here and He will provide for me from here.
I'll be looking forward to finding my cheese when I get to California. And it better be some good cheese. I'm counting on it.
aformerblonde.
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