30 and 2 days...or...my life would suck without you.

Today I am thirty + 2 days old. Thirty came in with a wonderful bang, and turns out, I feel no different than 29 as far as my body goes...the only thing that is changed is what I have realized in the 2 days since the big 3-0. Actually, we will say last 4 days, cause my party was Friday and it was after that in which i had these realizations.

my life would suck without you. yes, it is the name of a kelly clarkson song which i actually really like to scream at the top of my lungs when i am in the car...but more importantly, it is how i feel about the amazing people in my life.

it has been said that when one door closes, another opens. i feel that up til this point, doors have been closing and, afraid i may not see another door open, i just jump right into the first one i see. last year, a door closed at me when i was working at my last school. i must say that in the moment, i was devastated. i wondered what would be out there, if anything for me. i wondered if i was doing what i was meant to do...or if maybe i had jumped into teaching without thinking it through...

then open the door at St. Leo. i looked long and hard at the door. i took it even though i was taking a pay cut, even though i would have a 30 minute commute, even though i knew nothing about Versailles. i walked through the door not knowing what to expect. or, maybe even expecting the worst and hoping for the best. because of this one open door, my life has changed drastically and i find myself realizing, probably for the first time, this is where i was always meant to be. the door had to close there to bring me here.

Because of St. Leo, i was challenged to a game of corn hole with Djibouti as my partner, and Mr. Djibouti as my competitor. Only to lose a last minute heart breaker and have to be a "bartender." Helena, the cause of most of my daily laughs, and if not the cause, the person I laugh with or who laughs at me...she has got to be the best work partner one could ever have. Truly, I couldn't have gotten any luckier to have to work in close contact with anyone else. I think there is no one else who could understand my ridiculous 7 year old humor, or put up with it the way she does. And her husband, who laughs at me equally...and with whom I share my addiction to WebMD, are two of the most amazing people I know

Because of St. Leo, I met Ashley and Christina, who are the answer to so many prayers I have prayed for really awesome, authentic new girlfriends here. I got to start the Y Club, without which I would not know these two incredible girls. I'm not sure that we share a tremendous amount in common, but what I am sure about is that they are two people I can't imagine my life without now. i look forward to a long friendship with these two incredibly amazing ladies.

Because of St. Leo, i will be going to work for John Hopkins University at the Center for Talented Youth in Palo Alto, CA this summer (all of my recommendations, and my interview prep courtesy of teachers there). I find this to be a truly remarkable opportunity that I still can't get over the fact i am going to have. i may be way out of my league here, but we are about to find out.

Because of St. Leo I am no longer Ms. Blandford, I am Blan Blan...I have a poem written in my honor, i have a pink polka dotted podium, and a specially designed cootie catcher created for me all by my students. At St. Leo I'm not just "the computer teacher." i am someone important and significant to both faculty and students. i get to take kids to KYA and KUNA and have pranks and inside jokes with them....there are guinea pigs named after things like Djibouti...

And even more so, as I was taking in the experience that was my big 3-0, I looked around at the way the old and new meshed together. How the two worlds overlap. How new friends and old friends could come together in one place....how the door opened and one world was not left behind, rather a new one was created with the best of the old and the things and people from the new. I laughed many laughs on Friday...and they were the good kind. the kind of laugh that comes from deep inside your stomach and sort of hurts (could be the bourbon slush) when it comes out...it's a laugh i haven't laughed in a long time.

The lyrics are true:
'Cause we belong together now, yeah

Forever united here somehow, yeah

You got a piece of me
And honestly,
My life would suck without you.

I think its my mantra for 3-0.
I think it is something I have been going through a lot of doors to figure out.
I think I have finally chosen the right open door.
And it only took me 30 years + 2 days.
finally.














aformerblonde.

things this blog could have been about if i could have only decided on a topic.

so i have been debating for so long about what to blog about, it has been over a week since my last blog. which is pretty preposterous if you ask me. but i really couldn't come up with anything good. now, i find myself with 15 minutes and i am going to speed blog something, yet i'm not sure, yet, what it will be about.

i could write about this "phantom" who keeps leaving my three birthday presents on my front porch every day starting on friday. They are almost all pink or contain the letter n. it could be my mom, but if it is, she has help. anyhow, it makes going home at the end of the day sort of exciting and fun.

i could write about the fact that my wonderfully planned birthday party has turned into a last minute cookout that cannot be attended by everyone i wish could come. i hate having a birthday on memorial day. it should work well because people are off work and things, but, it seems to not have worked out that well for me this year.

i could write about how my favorite store, elegant fashion, went out of business, causing me to need therapy, and a new place to buy "knock off" merchandise. and how that spot on southland drive is always going to taunt me.

i could write about how ready i am for school to be over, and how empty it feels now that the 8th grade is gone. i feel like my day is so disorganized because i dont have them coming in, screaming, causing chaos and making a mess of things. its so boring.

i could write about how john wall is now a kentucky wildcat and how i am already having dreams of an 8th national championship and how i am already trying to figure out how to get tickets to midnight madness next year, and whether i will take days off work to try to "camp" out for the tickets, or whether coach cal will find some crazy new way to hand them out....like he could drop them from the sky in an airplane...that would be awesome. and people would just stop their cars like money was falling from the sky.

i could write about how because ashley mistyped star wars, and instead typed star wards, we now have the idea for an incredible new movie.

and, i could write about how i have a stack of papers i need to take to the copier to hand out to the kids going to kya next year, but how the long walk to the copy machine seems, well, like it requires too much energy at this point, so ill just wait for tomorrow.

or, i could talk about my beautiful pink polka dot podium. it really is beautiful and i think that everyone is coveting the beauty of it. there are festive dots, hand prints, and really, it just suits me. and i think it is hilarious that the kids did it on their own...picked out the colors even. i am so completely transparent.

but, since i spent so much time thinking of all the things i could write about, i actually have wasted the entire 15 minutes, so, i guess this blog will now be titled, "things this blog could have been about if i could have only decided on a topic." yes. that has a nice ring to it.

next time, ill decide on a topic before i come here.

aformerblonde.

and now for my opinion on...American Idol

I've been watching American Idol religiously since it began, and every year, minus Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood and David Cook, I have been disappointed. I'm not sure if I just like tormenting myself, but I keep tuning in...one part out of not wanting to feel behind in pop culture, one part because I don't usually have anything else going on in that Tuesday night spot, and one part because I secretly love to see people who were working at Sonic become super famous icons. I especially love that episode when they get to go back to their hometown, and all these people that could have probably cared less about 6 months ago, are now screaming, yelling, begging for autographs and trying to get a piece of the action. But there is something important in that statement. We all want something to believe in don't we? To think that someone from our little piece of the world could rise above circumstance or situation and arrive in Hollywood, become a person that 41 million votes are cast for (far more than ANY presidential election) and could have a chance to realize their dream. There is something inherently romantic, and fairy-taleish about this. In a time where there is little hope in so many facets of life, some people are having the opportunity of their life time...

Also, there is the entertainment factor of Paula Abdul alone. Really, does anyone know what is wrong with her? Her outfits are trashy and show way too much cleavage, her hair typically resembles a birds nest, and her comments? I feel like I need a translator to understand what the HELL she is talking about. Her analogies are horrific. Her voice is grinding. She is an absolute train wreck. And my gosh I LOVE IT!

So, I've avoided being clear about my favorite because, well, I usually get really attached to a contestant and then they get voted off and I feel ROBBED, like when Chris Daughtry was ripped from my life that one Wednesday result day. But this year, there are two people that I absolutely love. Allison and Adam. I'll call them the A-Team, because I just thought of it, and it works.

Don't get me wrong. I like Danny. He has America's "sympathy" vote. He doesn't need it because he can hold his own vocally, but he has that tragedy thing going for him. In the beginning, he was my favorite. I wanted him to win. But, as time has gone by, I've become a little bored...it always seems like more of the same, and I think that I let my emotional attachment to the fact that he lost his wife cloud my ability to decipher his true skill. He is talented, but he isn't the most talented out there. His songs don't make me want to dance, cry, hide, or scream. And that is just the problem, they don't make me feel anything.

And Kris. Kris is on and off for me...sort of like most relationships I've had. Sometimes I love his songs, and sometimes, I can't stand them. I like him with his guitar, and then I don't like him with his guitar. He's cute as a button but that's all, after all these weeks, that I really have to say about him. Nothing else comes to mind. And that's the problem for me with him.

Now on to the A Team, Adam and Allison. I'm not going to lie. When Adam came out and sang "I Walk the Line" with cuitars playing in the back, I felt like I had been molested by Gothic Egyptians. I was frightened. It was so provocative, so scary, so...mesmerizing. That was the moment I drank the Adam Kool-Aid. I don't care how much eye liner he wears, or how many pictures he puts online of himself making out with other guys, I LOVE Adam. There is no one in the competition who can touch him vocally. As a woman, I can't even hit some of the notes Adam hits. So what if he is eccentric...and scary...and confusing...and strange. So what if I feel a little violated when he is done. Adam is off the hook talented, and my Tuesday nights are going to be BORING when this is done because of him. I know some people don't like him because of the above aforementioned reasons. Whatever your hang up is, you can't deny his raw talent, even if he doesn't use it in a way that pleases you.

And last, but not least, Allison. I have loved this girl since the first time she opened her mouth. She sounds like a 50 year old smoker, with her raspy voice. Yet, she is in the body of a 17 year old, wise beyond her year, super edgy rocker body. I think I tune in just for her hair color, and I wish that a. I didn't work at a Catholic school so I could have hair that color and b. who am I joking I don't have nearly enough courage to dye my hair that color! Let's see, at 16/17 I was awkward, self-absorbed, and google-eyeing the cute boys at my school. And at 16/17 Allison walks out on stage and blows my mind EVERY SINGLE WEEK. And then, Simon has to open his big mouth and say something like, you aren't cocky enough, you aren't quite as full of yourself as we would like. Waaaittt, WHAA?? Wait, are you telling a 16 year old girl to be full of herself? Oh dear heavens, that is everything that is wrong with this world. Why can she not be a really awesome, kick-ass, HUMBLE girl?

But alas, Allison has been in the bottom three countless times, Adam was there last week. Danny has never been there and Kris is there and then not there, there and then not there (which supports my earlier claim). And so now, I have set myself up for yet another crushing heartbreak provided to me by America. I won't tune in until its half over so I can skip the ridiculous amount of commercials...and I'll fast forward through the Ford Commercial (which is always lame), the group number (which is always lame), Ryan Seacrest's jokes (which are always lame) and go right to where someone goes home. And if it is Allison or Adam, I hope someone who reads this will save me from my anger and rage at being robbed yet again, bring me a margarita (we should celebrate Cinco de Mayo all month) and remind me to tune in again next year.

aformerblonde.

Hey Hey it's May

Today, when I asked my students the day, they said, May4th. I almost stopped breathing out of pure terror. MAY? First of all, last time I blinked it was September, and I had an entire year to accomplish all the things I needed to do. How is it that in that minuscule blink that I took, time somehow disintegrated and now it is MAY?

Don't get me wrong. I love May. It's not too hot, not too cold, not too sunny, not too rainy. The flowers are in full bloom, yadda yadda yadda. School ends...its summer vacation...time to get caught up on some sleep!

However, there is also the perpetual lawn mowing. By the time you have finished, the back grass needs to be cut again. And then, there is all this SNEEZING and eyes itching. It's incessant. And then, ladies and gentlemen, there is the small matter of my birthday. Typically I love my birthday. I usually hang and do fun stuff with friends...enjoy and celebrate. But this year I turn....THIRTY.

I'm not saying I'm over the hill, so save your rants. What I'm saying is..is this what 30 looks like? I mean, by 30, I thought I would be a lot of things I'm not. Like...married...a mother...a rich millionaire. Okay, not really that last one, but it doesn't hurt to dream does it?? I think of what I used to think a 30 year old was. SOOO old. Graying hair. Basically, I used to think a 30 year old had taken close to their last breath and would keel over pretty soon. I'm none of the things I thought I would be, except, well, employed. Thank goodness, because in times such as these, that is nothing to take lightly. I thought I would live in NYC. It's where I really want to live, and a far cry from Lexington, KY. I am not, however, married (for no lack of trying), and on account of that one, I don't have any children, which is probably a good thing. I feel like, by the world's standards, I'm pretty far behind...

But, there are the things I am: I am a teacher, which is a job I absolutely love without a shadow of a doubt and I know I'm good at. I know there are all sorts of people at all sorts of ages that work in jobs they HATE for their entire lives. This, I can say, is not me. I am a homeowner of a house I'm REALLY proud of. I have, for the last 2.5 years remodeled this home into something I'm really proud of. I think I have an incredible decorating vision, and I love doing it. If I could only find that millionaire, I could do SO much more...but until then, I am content that my house is a warm and welcoming place. I am a mini-marathoner (boy, I JUST squeaked that one in under the deadline). This is something very few people do in their lives. In fact, besides the people from the gym, who are crazy in shape overachievers (no offense intended), I am the only person I know who ran a mini-marathon. Oh, well, Cathy Weaver did, but we ran the same race! This is something I'm proud of...in fact, I think I might call myself a "runner", because I have completed 7 races since July 2008. I think that is pretty dang great...especially considering a year ago, I couldn't run 13 feet, nonetheless, 13 MILES. And then I consider that I have found wonderful friends in my life. Some have come and gone, but the people I choose to surround myself with daily are incredible people, with incredible hearts, and amazing spirits. I know there are many people that do not have relationships like this in their lives, and so, I am grateful. I own two dogs I haven't killed, I have had an Orchid since February that continues to bloom, I got over my fear of dirt and worms to plant some flowers this spring. I am a great cook, and an even better baker. I can sell a wedding/prom dress with panache. I'm healthier than I have been in a LONG time. I have an incredible family. I have a wonderful God. And, most days, I am incredibly happy.

For whatever I thought my "30" would look like, I suppose this is how it was always meant to be. For whatever reason, I have the things I do have, and the others are not meant for me quite yet. However, when I look at the things I have, I think to myself, how incredibly blessed I would be to have even ONE of those things, nonetheless ALL of them. And I think, especially with times being as tough as they are, how quickly my situations could change. I think sometimes, I get so caught up in things that are, really, of no real importance. I DO want to get married, but I have lots of single friends who are 30. I do want children, but I hate changing diapers. But even besides all these things, why can we not learn to be content wherever we find ourselves. There is a book called, "Wherever you go, there you are!" How ridiculously simple this is, but how interesting that so few really get it. We are here, exactly where we are, for a reason. There are people here, there are situations here, there are lessons here that we need to embrace, that we need to learn. I look around more closely and wonder what is, exactly my lesson for this day? This week? This year? For year 29, my lesson was, "You are stronger than you ever imagined." It was a critical lesson, possibly the most important lesson I have ever learned.

So, I wait for you 30. I ask you what you have for me. I ask you what it is I will learn, how it is my life will change in the next 365 days. I ask for you to give me all it is you have in store for me. Don't hold back. And in return, I promise to be content, knowing I am EXACTLY where I was meant to be.

I guess May isn't so bad after all.

aformerblonde.