Sometimes you don't get what you deserve

i've come to the sudden realization that sometimes you just don't get what you deserve. for example, i have watched my cousins, friends and former classmates get married and have children. meanwhile, i am alone. i want to find that companionship. i want someone to share my day and my life with, yet, it just doesn't seem to be happening. is it something inherently wrong about me? is it something i have done? do i put out this, "fuck you" aura about me?

Sometimes you don't get what you deserve.

i want to write a book. id like someone to stumble across this blog and realize that in fact, i am, a literary genius and pay me absurd amounts of money to write a book. yet, i know just about every single person who reads my blog (who are you anonymous...you intrigue me...) and the chances are, the only way im going to get a book published is if i pay to bind the thing myself.

Sometimes you don't get what you deserve.

sometimes you are going along in your life with your perfect family and out of no where, life blindsides you with a divorce, a move away from your kids, and out of a job. and your life seemingly falls apart quicker than you can even watch where the pieces fly away to. and every attempt to put things back together seems to unravel before your eyes.

Sometimes you don't get what you deserve.

some of you long for a child of your own, something you have always dreamed of, and nothing seems to work...while for others, it seems to happen with ease. why not you? you'd be a wonderful father or mother. you have so much love to give. yet, you feel discouraged. when will it be your time?

Sometimes you don't get what you deserve.

and sometimes you just can't be the savior someone needs. the parent in pain, the significant other searching for something you just dont have to give them, the friend you can't help, the sibling you can't reach, the coworker you can't please. if only that one little miracle could happen, perhaps something, everything, could be different.

Sometimes you don't get what you deserve.

and sometimes, though you have been the worst friend possible, though you haven't been the person you should, though you could have tried harder, worked harder, prayed harder or done more, grace appears in front of your face...

as a friend who has been there all along...

as a job that isn't so much work as it is a calling...

in the arms of a loving family who no matter what welcomes you home...

as a second chance (or third or fourth)...

as a dollar in the pocket of your coat you haven't worn all year...

as a moment when you truly realize...

that sometimes you don't get what you deserve....

you get much more.

aformerblonde.